i'm back.....moving forward.....

i am going to be a blogger. a full time blogger.

yup, i am.
i'm WILLING myself to be a REAL blogger.

and it's starting now.

today.
a few years back, my sista www.ednieuwenhuisfamily.blogspot.com, had my blog made into a book. it's one of my favorite earthly possessions.

it's a timeline of our year.

a summery of the madness that sometimes (um, always) surrounds my family.

my goal this year is to chronicle our life, daily. (or at least weekly)

since i no longer 'scrapbook' our life, i would like to 'blog book' it.

someday, i would love for my boys to have a hard copy of their memories on 2013.

i'll be blogging the good, bad and ugly.

i WILL be honest here.

i vow to show you that REAL life happens in our home.

i'll even ask you YOUR thoughts so we can learn to 'do' life together.
i will do my best to encourage.

i will attempt to inspire. (PINTEREST BABY)

maybe even challenge you to get to know my Jesus better.

let's do this year together.

digging thru pics.

must share.

my baby then......

my baby now....

*******************************

my middle then.....

my middle now.....

*****************************

my old one then.....

my old one now....

my old one now.

*****************************

this past year, our family lost our dear joe.

as much as i didn't think i loved her, i did.

as much as i didn't think i'd miss her, i do.

my boys learned a tough life lesson in losing a 'friend'.  

we cried many, MANY tears.

we all learned how hard death can be.
even a sometimes, pesky little cat.

gone no more.....

i has been exactly 4 months and 2 days since i've blogged.
after my last post in march, most of you probably decided that i was seriously emotionally unstable  really busy. .
most of my 'faithfuls' have moved on.
those who know me know that we've been busy doing life.
and i'm SURE some of you still check daily.
or not.
time to get you back in the loop.
time to get ME back in the loop.

there are a gazillion and two pictures that i must post so that my children will one day look back on this blog and realize that we did NOT drop off the face of the earth from March to July.
life really happened.

just looked back and saw that i had 27 written but not published posts. most of them are too out of date for anyone to care anymore but what the heck, i'll post a few.........

i'm back to the blogging world.
i've missed rattling on about our mundane life. 

If Only....

today, while wading thru the mountains, and i mean MOUNTAINS of papers in our office, i ran across a spiral notebook that i had started taking notes in a few years ago. (remember the whole being obsessed about note taking??
this notebook PROVED it!)
anyways, i had started (i'm 2 pages in) making a scrapbook about ME.
once again, without sounding 'self-centered', i figured i should pass on some knowledge about me to my children. (maybe someday their wives would like to know. :))
i thought i'd start a notebook, get my thoughts in order and THEN START the book.
well, my thoughts may NEVER be in order so i thought i'd start doing some of this online.
after all, my scrapbooking attempts have failed over the past year.:(
one of my entries was...IF ONLY....so here goes what i've got thus far.....

if only....

-if only i could sing on key, i'd try out for American Idol.oh wait, i'm TOO OLD.

-if only i could relive my early 20's, i wouldn't have been so naive.

-if only i could spend a day with Jesus,would i dance for Him or in awe of Him be still??

-if only i could go to the spa once a week,i'd always have pretty toes.

-if only i could live near my sister,my life would be complete.

-if only,i could spend just one more day with my grandparents. i would tell them just one more time how much they have meant to me.

-if only i could have my boys little again, i'd slow down & hold them more. i'd be more patient.

-if only i could balance a checkbook, ya, don't know what i'd do. wouldn't matter much.

-if only i didn't like potato chips, i'd be a size 4.

-if only i didn't watch so much t.v, i'd be caught up on my reading.

-if only i didn't drive too fast, i'd be later for things than i already am.

-if only i didn't ALWAYS have freezing feet, they'd be warm!! um. duh.

working overtime.....

today was one of those days i wish i would've just stayed in bed.

2 mins. after waking the boys up, there was a fight.

"you promised me i could wear THOSE socks","those are my shorts", "can't you close your mouth when you chew?"

two of the three caught the bus, without brushing their teeth. the one that really needed deodorant this morning insisted on NOT wearing it.

one couldn't find his sweatshirt (again) and since i refused to let him where the ripped one, that is 3 sizes too small, he missed the bus.

one was missing his math assignment.

this mama was So mad.  

the kind of mad that makes me wish i was curled up underneath my covers, letting someone else be the 'mean mom' today.

 my children were sad and i didn't much care.

what kind of a mother doesn't care? i didn't care if i didn't care. i guess that makes me a bad mom.

i was out of grace. plum out.

on the way to school, i realized something. it hit me right between the eyes.

Satan is having a blast. he wants me to feel like i'm failing.

he wants me to feel inadequate.

he wants me to feel depressed.

i have been praying very specific qualities for my boys for the last 31 days and he is NOT happy about that.

interesting that just yesterday, our word was 'Peace'. we had very little of THAT going on here this morning.

he is working overtime on making our home a place of discord.

 he's on attack mode and i let him get the best of me.

and i'm angry about that.

when i got home, God and i did some serious talking.

i cried and i think He might have too.

'Why don't you just Trust me, Traci?"

"Why do you wait until things get so out of control before you talk to me?"

"Why are you letting Satan have HIS way in your home when having ME at the center is ALWAYS the best plan!"

in the quietness of my home, God spoke to me.

not audibly of course but with His quiet spirit.

'I am ALL you need'!

'Even when you feel like you're failing, I am not'.

'Trust me that I will give you a 'do-over'.

'Satan will NOT win'.

I am so thankful, that even when i feel like all i do is screw up these children, God is bigger than my measly, inadequate parenting skills.

He's got it covered.

that even when i, spiritually speaking, can't get my life 'in order', he's already a step ahead.

even when i feel like i've got NOTHING left emotionally for one more person, He's got me covered.

my God is compassionate.

He understands that life can be discouraging.

He 'get's' that parenting is hard.

He doesn't give up on me even when i don't give Him my best.

He protects my children's hearts. He is teaching them to graciously give their sometimes crazy mama 'do-overs'. for that i am thankful.

 (after asking for forgiveness on the way to school, i got a "of course, mom".)

my children are better than i deserve.

over the years, i have struggled with depression.

thankfully, i have good medication but still, i have days.

days that all i want to do is curl up in a ball.

this morning was one of those mornings.

depression is like a roller coaster. it's going to have it's ups and downs but in the end, it'll be worth the ride. right? :) some days, i even think that i am better for it. this sometimes 'curse' has taught me to NOT rely on my own ways but to better trust HIS ways.

in days like this, all i can do is pray this:
"Lord, today, be my portion.".....

and trust that it's enough.  

this song just came across my play list:

The Greatness of Our God
Give me eyes to see
More of who You are
May what I behold,
still my anxious heart.
Take what I have known
And break it all apart
For You my God, are greater still.

CHORUS
No sky contains,
No doubt restrains,
All You are,
The greatness of our God.
I spend my life to know,
And I'm far from close
To all You are,
The greatness of our God.

  
Give me grace to see
Beyond this moment here.
To believe that there
Is nothing left to fear.

That You alone are high above it all.
For You my God, are greater still.

No sky contains,
No doubt restrains,
All You are,
The greatness of our God.
I spend my life to know,
And I'm far from close
To all You are,
The greatness of our God.

And there is nothing
That can ever separate us.
There is nothing that can ever
separate us from Your love.
No life, no death, of this I am convinced.
You my God, are greater still.

And no words can say, or song convey,
all You are the greatness of our God.
I spend my life to know,
And I'm far from close
to all You are,
the greatness of our God.

isn't that just like Him to put that on there for ME today?

be encouraged friends.

 there is light at the end of our sometimes dark tunnels.



chore list.....

so, fellow mamas.

i'm needing advice.

what do you do to get your kids to work?

with GOOD attitudes!

do you pay them?

should they work for free?

do you stand above them and 'bark'. (ahem...that's me)

do you give them consciences if they don't do it "mom's way"?

i'm struggling with this. since i'm home full-time, when they get home, most of the chores are already done.

any ideas on extra chores?

this mama is overwhelmed at the thought of raising lazy men.

help.

these are my intentions.....

this is my reality.......



crows. snow. sports. parent love. hiccups. dirt. crayons.

since today is wednesday. and raining. and cold, and i'm sitting inside, loathing this weather and my big fat headache that needs to go away already, i thought i may as well talk to someone.

since everyone i know either has a life outside of me (already caught up with the bff) or a job, i've got no one to chat with except myself.

so, i'm talking to myself.

come along for the ride.

i'm sitting here watching the crows.

what makes them annoying?

it's not their color. i much like their shiny, coal black skin (fur. whatever).

it's not the fact that they eat worms, which in turn helps keep the mole population under control.

wait, i take that back.

the moles have taken over my front yard so i guess they aren't doing their job.

slackers.

could it be their somewhat annoying squawk?

yes, that's what it is.

the squawk.

moving on.

dang nabbit, wouldn't you know it.

it's snowing.

ya, that's always a great way to blanket the daffodils growing so beautifully in my flower beds.

it's not even the pretty kind.

it's just the cold kind.

there's a big difference.

oh well, it's not like i'm going anywhere or doing anything productive today anyways.

go ahead, snow. i. don't. care.

i'll just sit here and think of my family in michigan who are enjoying a 70 degree day today or i'll

ponder the fact that my folks are sitting, in HOT arizona, watching baseball while i watch crows.

 i took this picture last week. i love mornings when i can wake up to this.

now THAT'S pretty snow.

jacks basketball season has wrapped up and i'm sad about that.

now on to soccer. 

someone just told sam that if you stick your nose up to wood, your hiccups WILL stop.

it's true.

i've seen it with my very own eyes.

i love dirt. i want to smell dirt, not snow. (whatever)

crayons make me happy.

oh tim. tim. tim. tim. thank you for being an incredible example of what a real man is.

little boys are watching.

tell your parents you love them today.

don't assume they know.

ok, i need to go do some shopping online.

for a glass half empty attitude right now, this will cheer me up.

come back tomorrow.

i'll be in a better mood.

too-doo-luu.



recap

since i have not talked to my sister (other than texting) for what seems like 221 days, i will recap my life here.
i'll text you sister so you know to look here since i'm sure you have long thrown in the towel,so to speak, on me.

1~everyday, for the past 3 months my children (mainly my firstborn) has been asking for a dog.

first of all, i don't really like dogs. (please, NO ONE pass this on to the Pioneer Woman. she would be so very disappointed in her friend.) secondly, we have a cat, who hates dogs.

why?? cuz she's a cat, that's why.

thirdly, my hub does NOT want to be mowing over dog poop so he's saying 'no dog'.

lastly, don't tell my children but i think, at some point, before my boys move out, they will have worn us down and we'll agree to a dog.

why? because we're pushovers, that's why.

2~ i'm on Day 24 of praying for my children. obviously, i dropped the ball on posting them here.

if you're my Facebook friend, you're in the loop. if not, i'll email them to you.

this has been so awesome.

it is spurred me on in being more deliberate about praying EVERYDAY for specifics in their lives.

it's been good. very, very good.

3~ i'm still struggling with how to live with my feet being cold. ALL. THE. TIME.

4~ i don't care what you say, the trampoline was the BEST investment we've made.

5~ our Kirby vacuum was the worst.

6~ Pinterest in my new addiciton. someday i'll need therapy for this. good news is that i know i'll have a handful of my friends in that office with me.

7~speaking of friends. i like my friends. i have good friends. i have better friends than i deserve.

8~ in regards to  #1, the Pioneer Woman and i are not technically friends. i didn't want to mislead you by thinking i'm more important than i am. then again, #7 makes me feel like i am important. good friends have a way of doing that.

9~i'm not afraid to say it. i'm a homebody.

10~i still don't know how to use my camera. that's why i have my bff, kathy. there are LOTS of other reasons why i keep her around but that's a biggy.

11~i always think that the Thesaurus will help me come up with more cleaver blog posts but i really don't know how to use the Thesaurus. i need a 'Thesaurus For Dummies". do they even make those?

if not, they should.

12~ in the past 2 weeks, i have brought away about 92 article's of clothing to the consignment store.

i know you think i'm exaggerating but i'm really not.

it'll make me feel good, picking up that $13.oo check. ok, maybe more like $42.50 but it's still better than a kick in the head.
most things are.

13~ my cousin, Gina and her hub, Scott are expecting a babe in october. if you look back about 6 posts, you'll see their wedding pictures. why??? because in November they JUST GOT MARRIED!

isn't this just awesome news!!???

14~my other cousin, Misty and her sweet man, Jordan are getting married in september. which means, I GET TO GO BACK TO MICHIGAN AGAIN!!!!

this time i think i'll bring along the hub.

 he's a good time plus he has all the money, which i need when i vacation.

oh, and i really like him too.

15~ we are leaving in 3 mins. for a worship service at Christ The King in bellingham. i still need to get out of my sweats, straighten my hair and get my children out of their pajamas (which they usually, promptly put on after church)

16~ i'll be back with #16.

16 again~ church tonight was amazing. no sermon, just a WHOLE hours of Praising Jesus.

17~ i miss my sister.

18~ my folks left this morning for a 2 1/2 week road trip. first stop: Mariner Spring Training.
it's on MY 'bucket list'.
i can't wait to be retired.
after Spring Training, they're going on to California to do some volunteer work.
i love that about them.
they pour their whole lives into others and i'm forever grateful for them.

19~ my husband is the best. no really, he's better than anyone else's husband.
it's true.
he's lucky to have me. i'm lucky to have him.

20~ 2o tidbits is plenty.
consider yourself recapped.

one night is not enough.....

just found this post....i have even more pictures and more to say about this but this will have to do for now.......

 

ONE week-end.

one week-end night is all we had free for the next 8 weeks.

the hub is going to start getting really busy at work and this mama needed some R&R.

(what mama doesn't??)  

thankfully, our bff's needed a night away too.

so...we went. 

the Westin, in downtown Bellevue is our VERY favorite place to stay.

it's right across from great shopping and superb restaurants.

it was just one night but it's amazing how much fun a person can humanly pack into 24 hours. 

we shopped, we laughed, we ate really good food (which dale REALLY liked), we ate greasy cheeseburgers and had NO guilt about it. and then we laughed some more.

we are so thankful to have friends that just 'get us'.

we love spending time with these two.

always great conversations.

never a shortage of topics.

thank you dale & kathy wubben....

out for a walk...a nice looonnnngggg walk.

i don't really know what we were laughing about but obviously, it was extremely funny.

we found a great little pub with really good, ice cold beer. even kath, who HATES beer drank one. (and liked it)

she's strange but i luv her.

i love you babe.

prayers for day's 16 & 17

Day 17..
Growth in Grace~
"i pray that they may 'grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,'"
2 Peter 3:18
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Day 16...
Salvation~
"Lord, let salvation spring up within my children, that they may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory,"
Isaiah 45:8 2 Timothy 2:10

it's the little things.....

this past week, i finally did something my dentist has been telling me to do for SEVENTEEN years.
SEVENTEEN years. eek.
i had my wisdom teeth pulled. yanked out from their comfy home.
and i'm happy to see them go.
i have agonized over this. stressed to the MAX about the pain and the whole unknown. i hate unknowns. (um. valentines day ring any bells??)
the morning of the surgery, i was a basket case.
and the chillin's knew it.
soooooo.....this went down. .......

after sending the boys off to wait for the bus, they all ran back in the house, had me sit on the couch, while they prayed for me (knowing i was nervous for my appointment this morning). if you look at my earlier post, you'll see our word/verse for the day was 'Prayerfulness'. wow.
please don't underestimate the power of prayer in your children's lives. they are watching....and God is working. just had to share!

thanks to wonderful drugs, prescribed by my doc of course, i have to say...it wasn't so bad.
i slept for almost 20 hours the first day.
spent the other 4 hours dreaming of going back to sleep. (i love me my sleep)
dear friends brought dinners. thanks kath, www.wubbenworld.blogspot.com and tami vw.
i so appreciate all of you who called and offered to do anything for me. friends are good. i have good friends. not to mention my mama who brought me, waited, took me home, picked up my rx's, feed me, tucked me in and just did every little thing that a good mama does. she's better than i deserve. thanks ma!

day's 7-15

Prayers for Day's 7-15.....................


Day 7...
A Servant Heart~
"God, please help my children develop servant hearts, that they may serve wholeheartedly, 'as to the Lord, and not to men,'"
(Ephesians 6:7,KJV)

Day 8...
Hope~
"May the God of Hope grant that my children may overflow with hopefulness by the power of the Holy Spirit,"
(Romans 15:13)

Day 9....
The Willingness and ability to work hard~
"Teach my children, Lord, to value work and to work hard at everything they do,"
(Colossians 3:23)

Day 10...
A Passion For God~
"Lord, please instill in my children a soul that 'follows hard after you,' a heart that clings passionately to you,"
Psalm 63:8

Day 11....
Obedience~
"I pray my children will know the adventurous life of obedience to God and learn 'the will of God from the heart,"
Eph. 6.6


Day 12....
Prayerfulness~
... "Grant, Lord, that my children's lives may be marked by prayerfulness, that they may learn to 'pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayer," (Ephesians 6:18)

Day 13...
Gratitude~
"Help my children to live lives that are always 'overflowing with thankfulness,' always giving thanks to God the Father for EVERYTHING, in the name of our Lord Jesus,'"
(Colossians 2:7, Ephesians 5:20)

Day 14...
A Heart for Missions~
"Lord, please help my children to devolop a heart for missions, a desire to see your glory declared among the nations, your marvelous deeds among all the peoples,"
Psalms 96:3


Day 15....
Joy~
"May my children be filled 'with the joy given by the Holy Spirit,"
1 Thessalonian 1:6

prayers...day 2-6......

How are we doing? Are we praying???
Stay with it.
I've been working on at least reading the verse to my kiddos every morning. (the memorizing a new verse everyday was just a little pipe dream. WHAT was i thinking??) I was impressed because this morning, I asked if anyone remembered yesterdays verse.....yes, Sam did!!!
Even when you think they're NOT listening, they are! (mostly)
Forge ahead!


Day 6....
Faith~
"I pray that faith will find root and grow in my children's hearts, that by faith they may gain what has been promised to them."
(Luke 17:5-6, Hebrews 11:1-40)

Day 5...
Contentment~
"Father, teach my children 'the secret of being content in any and every situation...through Him who gives strength,'"
(Philippians 4:12-13)

Day 4...
Responsibility~
 "Grant that my children learn responsibility. 'for each one should carry his own load,'"
(Galatians 6:5)

Day 3...
Compassion~
"Lord, please 'clothe my children with the virtue of compassion,' and i pray that my children will be ever more like Jesus," (Colossians 3:12).

Day 2...
Humility-
"God, please cultivate in my children the ability to 'show true humility toward all,' and may they humble themselves before You."
(Titus 3:2).

31 day challenge.....

today i started a new challenge.

nope, not ANOTHER weight loss challenge.

this is a challenge that i'm asking you to all join me in......

pray for your kiddos, EVERYDAY, specifically for the next 31 days.

a few weeks back, i found a fabulous sheet of paper, in my mamas scrapbook stuff. (thanks mom!)

31 days. 31 key words. 31 verses.

brilliant.

i hung it in our master bathroom and randomly (sadly) glanced over it and threw up a few quick prayers now and then.

then yesterday, God really laid it on my heart to be more consistent & intentional about these little prayers.

will you please join me in this challenge?

i'll be attempting to post it everyday on Facebook as well as on here.

this could be life-changing.

Today's prayer~

 Perseverance:
"Lord, teach my children perseverance in all they do, and help them especially to 'run with perseverance the race marked out for them,' ". (Hebrews 12:1)

happy belated love day

happy day after love day day. (in my mind that TOTALLY makes sense. read it again s-l-o-w-l-y...it will also make sense to you)

anywho....it's february 15, the day after valentines day and almost 3 weeks since my last post but who cares about that since it's practically still a holiday and come on folks, we cut people a little slack when it's a holiday. (we also cut people, who tend to use run-on-sentences too often, a little slack too)

what did YOU do yesterday to celebrate love??

did you eat copius amounts of chocolate? (you know, the jackpot of candy that your offspring landed at school.)

spend ridiculous amounts of money on flowers that will soon die? (i heart flowers)

did you go on a fancy-smacy date?

did you just stay home and um, cuddle??

valentines day in our home is just like any other day.

we celebrate love everyday. (sappy, but true)

which means that EVERYDAY we eat copious amounts of candy and do a lot 'cuddling'.

 yes. we. do.

everyday we do NOT go on fancy dates and buy expensive flowers. we are cheap.

we like plastic, NO maintenance plants.

yes. we. do.

anywho...

this year, my hub surprised me.

if you know me well, you know i HATE surprises.

H.A.T.E.

i hate not knowing who i'm going to have to hang out, what am i going to have to wear, what if i don't like what the plan is??

WHAT IF I HAVE NO CONTROL???

gasp.

i really HATE surprises.

that being said, i kinda liked my surprise last night.

the hub had told me to be ready by 4:30.

since i was in Seattle for the day with my bff, who btw, knew all about 'the plan' and wouldn't even tell me. what sort of bff  LIES to her bff?

mine. that's who.

(i'm glad you didn't tell me. brat.)

4:3o i was ready. all dressed up (adding assult to injury, i had strict orders to NOT wear jeans.) and no clue where we were going.

as we were walking out the door, he told me to grab my make-up bag and NO, we were NOT going to stay overnight.

i consider myself a fairly intelligent girl when it comes to figuring out a man and his ways and wouldn't you know it, i busted my man.

and i'm SOOOO glad i was right!!

the spa....we were going to the spa!!!

it's been a fairly emotional couple weeks (love my life but i tell ya, sometimes it gets the best of me) and my dear hub KNEW that THIS is what i NEEDED.

he's a gem.

he's a keeper.

he took me to the spa. i think i'll keep him.

we met up with our friends from b'ham and spent a wonderful, very relaxing evening together.

ok, i may have changed my mind...

i guess i DO like surprises. (don't surprise me unless you're taking me to the spa. or to Maui.)

house pic 2007

i just found this picture.

this picture is the reason why we even looked at this house.

although it's now red, has a porch full of furniture (NOT an old Lazy Boy or anything trashy like that....just rocking chairs and such), and hello, the flowers, mine never looked that good and the trees in the background are now MASSIVE! 

still, don't cha just want to roll around, like a little puppy in that grass??

i love home.

 home is where my heart is. (sorry, that was SO cheesy)

but it's true. 

culinary rut

what will YOU make for dinner tonight??

yesterday, my bff asked me at NOON what i was making for dinner.

then we laughed together, both knowing FULL well...

1. i'm not a very good cook.

2. i won't actually have what i need for a full meal in my pantry/fridge.

3. i have REALLY  kind of picky eaters.

4. most importantly, i NEVER, (rarely) think about dinner before i get the daily phone call from the hub, in his sweet little voice  studly, MANLY voice asking "so babe, what you thinking about for dinner?" bless that dear man that i call my hub....he doesn't expect much and he's always so gracious when i say, "i don't know...what do you want?" which in other words means 'what are YOU making us tonight?'

here's something funny....i collect cookbooks.

yes i do.

but only ones from churches or schools and ones that have pictures. i'm a visual, i need pictures.

that's a good sign that i love cookbooks...maybe, just maybe SOMEDAY i'll learn to cook.

that being said, i don't hate cooking.

in fact, i kinda like it.

my sista made me a dang cute apron that i LOVE and feel purdy in every time i wear it.

it makes me feel VERY June Cleaver like.

  IF i actually had everything in the house that i needed to complete a full meal, i might even cook everyday. or every other day. or every 4th day.

probably every 4th day.

here's another little tidbit that you may not know:

my mother-in-law feeds us twice a week.

sunday noons and wednesday nights.

is that not the sweetest thing EVER??

it isn't a big sit down meal, it's more 'come when you can, eat what you want' meal.

sundays it's ham buns....(yes, she's Christian Reformed. that's what we do...eat ham buns).

wednesday nights it's usually a roast.

she does Hospitality well.

she always has the coffee on. everyone is always welcome.

one of these days, i'm going to do a post on my dear in-laws.

 they are a bunch of saints...i'm so honored to be a part of them.

we are a loud, crazy bunch and i love it.

so....what recipes work for your family?

what do you feed 'finiky' eaters?

do you usually have the same menu from week to week?

throw out ideas.

except for lasagna, spaghetti, pancakes and pizza.

those are the few items on your weekly/biweekly schedule.

i'm really good at those.

oh, and hot dogs. i'm a good hot dog maker.

i need to start mixing it up a bit.

trying new stuff. stepping off the 'safe food ledge'.

talk to me.

guilt...

ok, so here's the thing. one of my 'famous' sayings in life is:

LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR GUILT.

many of you have heard me preach this to you. sorry about that.

wouldn't ya know it, i'm feeling it today big time.

am i loving my family well?

am i spending enough time with friends?

i should have called her and let her know i was thinking about her but i didn't.

i didn't pray for them like i said i would.

i eat too much garbage.

i didn't do my devotions last night, instead i played Tetris til 2 am.

i don't know Jesus like i want to.

i didn't do the laundry.

the fridge is dirty.

all i want to do today is watch HGTV or the DIY channel.

i don't exercise enough.

i don't read enough.

my car is too dirty.

blah. blah. blah.  

i didn't blog as often as i promised myself (or you) i would.

i want to think that i do it so that I'll have a running snippet of our life for my kids.

 i want to think that i made a goal and i must keep it.

but come on, let's be honest here. truth is, i've been hearing, over the past few weeks that there are a pile of people (strangers/friends) that follow my blog (those of you who read but don't leave comments!! you know who you are!:)) and i don't want to let you down.

do i blog because the weight of knowing that i may be 'erased' from someones 'favorite' list suffocates me? i know this because i've been know to NOT check those who don't update their blogs often enough.

gasp.

i lay awake at night thinking, obsessing over what i should or shouldn't have done.

why do i do this?

and WHY, WHY must there be guilt attached?

 i feel guilty to not know the answer to WHY i feel guilty.

 

 i must STOP the guilt train!

hop off and run.

RUN the other way!  

spill it...what do you feel guilty about?

and please, PLEASE don't tell me NOTHING because then i'll have guilt about that.

talk about a train wreck

what is character?

i've always loved the word Character.

i remember way back when, in the early 90's, i read a book, while i was going thru some 'interesting times'.

it was written by Bill Hybels. i don't remember the name of the book or even what the jist of the book was about but i do remember ONE sentence.

'Your Character is who you are when no one is looking'.

this one statement shaped areas of my life that needed some MAJOR shaping.

i was 'freshly' out of high school. had a few bucks in my pocket. was hanging out with a group of not-so-good-friends and a far too much time on my hands.

i was making some poor decisoin. ones that i know did not reflect the way that i was raised.

the above sentence hit me right between the eyes and part of me changed.

i was reminded that even though, no one (especially my parents.sorry folks.) were watching me,

i still had my Character to uphold.

did i continue to make some not-so-healthy choices? yes. i'd be lying if i said 'no'. but let me tell you, i definitely thought more about my way of living and attempted to live as if everyone were watching me instead of no one.

thankfully, i serve a Giant of a God who protected me during those turbulent years and for that, i am eternally grateful.

here it is, almost 20 years later, i'm attempting to teach these things to my own children.

"if you can't say it front of your mama, you shouldn't be saying it."

"even when your parent's aren't there, God IS."

these are statements that i make often to my boys.

this brings me to the question of guilt.

at what point is guilt healthy?

do i guilt my boys into feeling bad about poor choices? 

is that a good thing or bad thing?

do i let them make poor choices and then punish them?

do i attempt to stop the bad choices before they make them?

what issues are 'character issues'?

of course there are the obvious....lying.stealing.cheating.

what about being unkind? or not using your time wisely?

are those character issues?

what punishments do we dish out for these behaviors?

like with most parents,we struggle with this.

we want our boys to have a conscience when they make poor choices but how do we go about doing that without ALWAYS being that nagging parent?

what can we be doing to better teach them Christian Character?

am i more worried about their character or my/their reputation?

i feel like (especially after a FULL week inside!!) i spend SOOOO much time getting after them about the little things. then i think, are they little things??

maybe they're little things now but if i leave them 'unchecked' will they become BIG things?

do i celebrate the little GOOD choices they make or do i spend more time looking for the bad ones?

sadly, some days it's easier to see the bad.

 i'm working on this.

i have so many questions that are buzzing about in my head.

can someone please, take a few mins. and give me the right answer for each question above?

ok, at least answer this one question.....

what are you personally doing in your home to teach good character to your kids?

share the wisdom readers.

this mama needs some good, solid wisdom.

smiling jack

there is something SO endearing about jack in a backwards hat.

or little people with baseball hats on backwards.

or medium people.

or grown men.

heck, i love backwards baseball hats.

just not on girls.

girls should just stick with the bill out front.

but that's just my thought.

the end. 

snow days.....

i love snow days.

i can be inside, looking out.

i make boatloads of hot chocolate and don't feel guilt drinking 3 cups in an hour.

i love how happy my chllin's are when they're out there.

i love how well they sleep after a full day of playing.

these were taken this past tuesday......

my sweet jackson spends a LOT of his life on the ground when doing anything athletic.

 (you should see him on the basketball court)

it's not that he's uncoordinated....he's FAR from it...he's just passionate.

he puts his whole body into every move.

when daddy offers to pull him on the sled, he doesn't do what 'normal' children would do (SIT DOWN), he chooses to STAND.

i love the picture below where rye is laughing that he's once AGAIN, on his backside.

oh jack.....

......................................................

again....oh jack.

i love MANY things about my dear hub but one thing that i ADORE is that he does such a good job of teaching the boys how to have a servants heart.

tuesday night, he loaded them up and drove around town looking for people to help.

even though no one would be at church for the next 4 days, the hub thought they needed a little more exercise.

it's my prayer that our kids will grow up KNOWING that serving others is so much more rewarding than taking.

sad to say but i was disappointed to see the sun....

blue skies and sun can only mean one thing:

NO MORE SNOW.

boo.

i went digging thru some old 'snow pic' files and came across a few beauties.....

maxwell~2007

jackson~2007

samuel~2007

jack and kaid~2007

samuel~ 2005

also taken back in 2005. look how little they are!!

they barley come higher than the door handle.

sam is looking a little freaked out by all the brother loving.

little brother is loving the loving.

you'll wanna dance cake......

i have a dirty little secret.

i'm not a huge chocolate lover. oh, quit your gasping. i have other vices.

it always makes me laugh when people are shocked by that statement. (that i'm not a huge chocolate lover, NOT the fact that i have other vices. NO ONE laughs at that. everyone knows THAT isn't laugh worthy)

don't get me wrong, it's not that i hate the taste.

i don't.

i just don't NEED it the way some people do. if you told me i could never again have another sweet thing (ice-cream included), i wouldn't care.

oh, except for butterscotch. i love butterscotch.

but.....you take away my carbs and heads would be rolling.

when i want to snack at midnight, i'd rather grab a armful handful of chips.

a slice of bread.

pasta.

those are my vices.

salty and crunchy.

crunchy and salty.

salty, crunchy and fattening.

that's my weakness.

however......that being said~

i would possibly give it all up for this:

the world's BEST chocolate cake recipe.

trust me. i'm not lying.

since i didn't create the recipe, i can brag about it.

stinkin' amazing.

there's NOTHING like it.

nothing.

like i said, i may be willing to give up chips for THIS.

thank you Pioneer Woman www.thepioneerwoman.com for adding that extra 5 pounds to my backside last week.

yeah you.

if you have nothing better to do today, make this cake.

no, really, do it.

most of the ingredients you probably have in the house.

like the POUND of butter you'll need.

and the close to 3 cups of sugar.

your backside will thank you.

and...you'll thank me.

you're welcome.

CAKE INGREDIENTS~

2 cups Flour

2 cups Sugar

1/4 teaspoon salt

4 Tablespoons (heaping) Cocoa

2 sticks of Butter

1 cup boiling Water

1/2 cup Buttermilk (i don't keep it in my fridge so i add 1 teaspoon vinegar to regular mix to 'sour it'.)

2 whole beaten Eggs

1 teaspoon Baking Soda

1 teaspoon Vanilla

FROSTING~

1/2 cup finely chopped pecans (i don't put these in but if it floats your boat, do it)

1-3/4 sticks Butter

4 Tablespoons (heaping cuz more is better) Cocoa

6 Tablespoons Milk

1 teaspoons Vanilla

1 pound (minus 1/2 cup) Powdered Sugar

get baking....

use a jelly roll pan. (18x13)

~in a mixing bowl, combine flour, sugar, and salt.

~in a saucepan, melt butter. add cocoa. stir together.

~add boiling water, allow mixture to boil for 30 seconds, then turn off heat.

pour over flour mixture., and stir lightly to cool.

~in a measuring cup, pour the buttermilk and add beaten eggs, baking soda, and vanilla.

~Stir buttermilk mixture into butter/chocolate mixture. pour into sheet cake pan and bake at 350 degrees for 20 mins.

~while cake is baking, make the icing. Chop pecans finely. melt butter in a saucepan. add cocoa, stir to combine, then turn off heat. add the milk, vanilla, and powdered sugar. stir together. add the pecans, stir together, and pour over warm make.

now dance. trust me....that's all you'll want to do.

dance and eat cake.

lots and lots and lots of cake. 

white day

we have snow.
we have much snow.
this makes this mama happy.
it makes this mama very much happy.

i have children that are playing in peace.
oh, i take that back. a snowball fight just broke out.
but i don't care.

i'm warm in here.
i can't hear a thing outside.
have i told you that snow days make this mama happy?
oh so happy.

since it was a scheduled day off, we are now anticipating a REAL snow day for tomorrow.
i can remember, as a kid, laying in bed, praying my blond little head off that this would hear HC IS CANCELLED coming from dads brown, rectangular radio!! (sister, you with me? i think dad STILL has that thing! :)) growing up in West Michigan, we didn't hear those words very often. but when we did, wowsers, we made every min. of that day count.
the roads were usually closed in the little village of Graafschap so my siblings and the 22 neighbor kids would sled right now the middle! we would go inside to eat, otherwise, we'd spend the ENTIRE day outside.

kinda like my kids are now.
those must have been happy, happy days for my mother.

i love having them home but it's SO nice to be sitting here, in the coziness of my lazyboy, watching the DIY channel and listening to their laughter. this morning, during my quiet time, i gave God an extra big Thank you for my life.
i'm healthy.
my kids and hub are healthy.
my extended family and friends are healthy.
we are content.
we are comfortable.
we are Blessed.

i found this great article.

just wanted to share.

A few years ago, when I just had four children and when the oldest was still three, I loaded them all up to go on a walk. After the final sippy cup had found a place and we were ready to go, my two-year-old turned to me and said, “Wow! You have your hands full!”
She could have just as well said, “Don’t you know what causes that?” or “Are they all yours?!”
Everywhere you go, people want to talk about your children. Why you shouldn’t have had them, how you could have prevented them, and why they would never do what you have done. They want to make sure you know that you won’t be smiling anymore when they are teenagers. All this at the grocery store, in line, while your children listen.

A Rock-Bottom Job?

The truth is that years ago, before this generation of mothers was even born, our society decided where children rank in the list of important things. When abortion was legalized, we wrote it into law.
Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get. In fact, children rate below your desire to sit around and pick your toes, if that is what you want to do. Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing.
If you grew up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood, to think like a free Christian woman about your life, your children. How much have we listened to partial truths and half lies? Do we believe that we want children because there is some biological urge, or the phantom “baby itch”? Are we really in this because of cute little clothes and photo opportunities? Is motherhood a rock-bottom job for those who can’t do more, or those who are satisfied with drudgery? If so, what were we thinking?

It's Not a Hobby

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.
Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.
Our culture is simply afraid of death. Laying down your own life, in any way, is terrifying. Strangely, it is that fear that drives the abortion industry: fear that your dreams will die, that your future will die, that your freedom will die—and trying to escape that death by running into the arms of death.

Run to the Cross

But a Christian should have a different paradigm. We should run to to the cross. To death. So lay down your hopes. Lay down your future. Lay down your petty annoyances. Lay down your desire to be recognized. Lay down your fussiness at your children. Lay down your perfectly clean house. Lay down your grievances about the life you are living. Lay down the imaginary life you could have had by yourself. Let it go.
Death to yourself is not the end of the story. We, of all people, ought to know what follows death. The Christian life is resurrection life, life that cannot be contained by death, the kind of life that is only possible when you have been to the cross and back.
The Bible is clear about the value of children. Jesus loved them, and we are commanded to love them, to bring them up in the nurture of the Lord. We are to imitate God and take pleasure in our children.

The Question Is How

The question here is not whether you are representing the gospel, it is how you are representing it. Have you given your life to your children resentfully? Do you tally every thing you do for them like a loan shark tallies debts? Or do you give them life the way God gave it to us—freely?
It isn’t enough to pretend. You might fool a few people. That person in line at the store might believe you when you plaster on a fake smile, but your children won’t. They know exactly where they stand with you. They know the things that you rate above them. They know everything you resent and hold against them. They know that you faked a cheerful answer to that lady, only to whisper threats or bark at them in the car.
Children know the difference between a mother who is saving face to a stranger and a mother who defends their life and their worth with her smile, her love, and her absolute loyalty.

Hands Full of Good Things

When my little girl told me, “Your hands are full!” I was so thankful that she already knew what my answer would be. It was the same one that I always gave: “Yes they are—full of good things!”
Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. Sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know about. Put their value ahead of yours. Grow them up in the clean air of gospel living. Your testimony to the gospel in the little details of your life is more valuable to them than you can imagine. If you tell them the gospel, but live to yourself, they will never believe it. Give your life for theirs every day, joyfully. Lay down pettiness. Lay down fussiness. Lay down resentment about the dishes, about the laundry, about how no one knows how hard you work.
Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross. There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death than you can possibly carry alone.