Hi world.
Traci is back.
For months (ahem years) I've had folks periodically ask me about my blog......mostly those who live out of state.
While I love Facebook, all that two line updating tends to put a damper on my babbling.
And one of the main reasons I love to blog is that this is an awesome outlet for me to journal our crazy life.
I hope someday that our kiddos will look back on this and know my heart.

Since I last blogged, Pinterest has become my happy place. I hope to share things that may be of interest to you dear people.
So, if you think I come up with some of these good tips and think I came up with them, think again.
I probably 'borrowed' it from Pinterest.
So there.
I'm back.

my gram....

my gram....

last Tuesday morning, in one breath, my gram stepped from her clouded mind into a CLEAR and unspeakable beauty of Heaven. oh what her eyes must be seeing. 

as happy as I am for her, it was one of the saddest days of my life.

I knew her hours were numbered and yet, just hearing that she was gone, broke me.

I have loved this woman with all of my heart and laying her in the ground, on Friday, was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

we just returned from an amazing week in Michigan with family.

Such a Bittersweet week. SO many tears cried but for as much crying as we did, we did twice as much laughing together. 

If Grams watching from Heaven, I hope she's applauding. 

I believe She taught us to love each other well.

We miss your laugh Gram.

a few weeks back, I wrote a letter to her. my aunt jan was able to read it to her the day before she died. I doubt that she heard any of it but I'm so relived that it was read to her, just the same. 

Tim read part of it at her funeral. I think most of us grandkids, shared a lot of my same thoughts. 

she was an amazing, God fearing lady. 

until we meet again.....

my dear gram- 

my heart aches as i write this because in writing this, it's a reminder to me that your time on earth is short. i have been meaning to drop you a note for a very long time now, to let you know how much you are loved. how much you have taught me. how much you have meant to me. 

i will probably never get the chance, on this side of Heaven to share my heart with you face to face so i'll spill it on paper. 

even as a little girl, hanging out with you was FUN. 

some of my best childhood memories were of visiting you at JCPenny. i always thought that you must've been VERY important to have such a cool office space. :) 

up & down the stairs and elevator 100x's in one single visit would've made most people crazy (and maybe it did make you crazy!) but what i remember is you laughing.  you never seemed to be embarrassed, you never seemed irritated, i never remember you 'hushing' us, i only remember you smiling. funny how 40+ years after roaming that building, i can still see you, standing in the doorway of the basement,  looking at us kids like you were so proud of us. i don't know why that was but i thank you for leaving that particular feeling in my memory. 

 

you have brought so much Joy into my world gram. i remember one evening, that you & i decided to make microwave popcorn before we sat down to watch tv. 

i vividly remember, being deep in conversation, when the smoke started coming out of the microwave & the smell of burnt food was overpowering!!! i'll never forget how we laughed when we realized that neither of us knew that we had to take the plastic wrap off BEFORE putting it in to cook!  (duh)

oh how we laughed. and laughed. AND laughed. 

years later, anytime we talked about it, we'd start the giggling all over again. i still remember thinking that 'my grandma is so fun'. 

i loved your laugh. i loved how the littlest things in life could make you smile. 

thank you for the brown candy box, with the painted on flowers that was NEVER, EVER empty. i know that everyone of us grandkids, thanks you for that. mom & dad, as good mom's and dad's do, put the kaboosh on the candy intake, but when we went to gram & gramps, the rules were very different. 

for that, we are grateful. :) 

you have always been close to my heart but i think we really became kindred spirits was back in the early 1990's when you & gramp took me in. my family was all the way across the country & you put me up in your cozy basement on 30th street. you had such an amazing way of making me feel like your home was my home.( i know that Lori shares the same sentiments that I do on this.) thank you for the way that you would knock (as unnecessary as it was) before coming into 'my space'.  even as a late teenagers,  we remember thinking how much we appreciated you allowing us to have my own little 'apartment'. 

you were always so quick to offer me a seat at your dinner table, a cup of coffee in the morning, free dibbs on the goods in the OVERFLOWING pantry. (oh, how gramp loved getting those deals on soup....after all, you never know when you'll be in the need for 42 cans of soup. ;)). 

even the little things like switching out and folding my laundry while i was gone, spoke volumes to me about your gift of hospitality. 

when i was dealing with heartbreak over the lost of a special boyfriend, you would stop what you were doing, just to listen. 

there were many times, you would drop what you were doing, just so i could cry on your shoulder. you never judged me, you never told me to "just get over it". 

you always made me feel like what i had going on in my life was as important to you, as it was to me.  

you made me feel special. always made me feel like i was everything to you. 

if i had to come up with ONE word to describe you, it would be KIND. 

you were always SO kind. 

no matter who walked in the door, you were always, always KIND. people always felt like they were treated WELL by you. 

i truly appreciated the way you spoke KINDLY of gramp. although i know, that it wasn't always so easy but you were always respectful. 

from a young girls perspective, looking for a spouse at the time, your kindness spoke volumes. you taught me, unknowingly perhaps, that honoring him was always one of the best way to make a marriage work. you loved and honored him until his very last breath.

i know that he thought the world of you. 

thank you for the way you loved your family. you raised your children to love and fear the Lord. 

 as a mother now, i now know that nothing else in this world matters more than that. 

you modeled that to me.  

thank you for the way that you SHOWED me, by example, that reading the Bible EVERY SINGLE DAY was the MOST important thing!! i witnessed, first hand, how that Good book shaped and molded who YOU are.  you taught me that there is NO better read out there. i vividly remember, standing in your kitchen, on a morning when you & gramp were heading to Florida for the winter and you saying to me, in a tone i will never forget, "traci, if it's the Lords will, we will see you again soon".  

in one little sentence you spoke volumes about where your faith was. it was always HIS WILL. not yours. i have never forgotten that. you have taught me the importance of putting my faith in HIM, in ALL things. 

gram, what i wouldn't give for just one more day with you. one more day to laugh with you, one more day to run the halls of jcpenny, one more day to make a 'quick run' to Younkers to buy you a new sweater, one more day to take a walk down to Donutville with you, one more day to sit at your table, one more day to hold your sweet, arthritic hand, one more day to tell you all the things that i never seemed to have the 'right' words to say. one more day to walk into a room and see you sitting at your sewing machine. one more day to see you, in your recliner, with your bible on your lap. one more day to properly made a bag of popcorn with you.  one more day of seeing you in conversation with gramp. 

i want just one more day. 

it has been one of my greatest honor to be called your grand-daughter. what a gift, that God, in all HIS wisdom, chose ME to get to call you my GRAM.  

for that i am eternally grateful. 

the words of  2 Timothy 4:7 rings in my ears today : 'I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith'.

gram, you have fought the good fight. you have finished your course and i know that when you meet Jesus face to face, His first words to you will be 'Well done my good and faithful servant'. 

with all of my being, i love you sweet gram. what a comfort to know, i will see your sweet face again.

traci :) 

-no shadow of death can overshadow the goodness and mercy that shadows the child of God.-

my advice to me....

Advice to me & all u other sometimes discouraged mamas….. 


#1...love on your babies (pre-teens, teenagers) lots. You'll blink and they'll be grown. 
 
 

#2...they don't care if your house is dirty and truth be told, no one else does either. Don't let housework come before time spent with boys. I had to learn that the hard way. :( 



3....pick your battles. Nuff said. ;) 



4...don't beat yourself up for not living up to the mom expectations you have in your mind. You'll never meet them all. Another one that I struggle with every day. 



5...you're a great mom. You've totally got this. God choose YOU to be their mom. No one else. Just you. Wear that title proudly. 



6...most important: pray your kids thru life. Pray that they'll be Men of God. In the big scheme of life, not much else matters much

the boy and girl next door......

today I wanted to share an exerpt from a book that my mama was featured in (yes, a real published book). Since I sure that a majority of you, don’t own this book, I’m typing it out for you. I love this story because in a way, it’s the story of how I began my journey. After all, if it wasn’t for my mama, I wouldn’t be me. If it wasn't for my parents love for each other & Jesus Christ, I wouldn't be who I am.


-1982 CRC Family Portrait-
Bev Den Bleyker:
Growing up in Graafschap


if you are driving south on M-31 out of Holland, all you’ll see of Graafschap is the church steeple poling out of the elms, like some sleepy memory of an old, precious way of life. But if nostalgia pulls at you like gravity, and you turn back and take a couple winding roads, before you know it you’ll be right in
the middle of Graafschap, a sweet, old one-church town.

It’s a blessing to stand in front of the old white church, to stand there and think that one only beam spanning the entire church was set in place more than 120 years ago by Dutch and German hands, hands of people in whose ancestral shadow we live and worship. You can almost hear them setting it yet; and , if you listen closely, you can heart the old psalms, and you can see the black hats, the beards, and the horse barns over there beyond the sanctuary, In a sense, we were all born in towns like Graafschap.

Bev Den Bleyker lives in Graafschap. She was baptized in the old white church with the historic beam, and she and her husband, Vern, were married there. For much of her life, and she has lived on the same block, in the old family home near the softball field. Vern grew up next door. He used to give her rides on his big blue and white Cushman scooter. They dated throughout high school, the girl and the boy next door. “It seems like I knew him his whole life,” she says.
They grew up together, up together, not a ground-rule double from the church, and they rode the same bus to Holland Christian School-the bus Vern’s dad always drove.
 You’re never alone in a small town, a one-church town like Graafschap. There are always aunts and grandpas, and neighborw who are probably more “family” than the renegade uncle who up and moved to East Lansing. Small towns make growing up as easy as growing up can be. Small towns smile when their own kids date each other: they cry when the same kids kneel at the front of church, when the first wedded kiss lingers a couple heartbeats too long.

Tradition is like an interstate highway, all its entrances and exits clearly marked by the overhead signs with arrows that point your way to a specified destination. Traveling is easy on an interstate, sometimes too easy.   Maybe that’s why Vern and Bev’s courtship moved along on obscure country roads for five, almost six years. “I always knew I would marry him.” She says, “But there were times I couldn’t live without him and I couldn’t live with him.” On again, off again, through summers of softball games. When Vern would see the same guys car too often next door at Bev’s, he’d start it up again and spend some time over there himself. Off and on. Graafschap watched.

in October 1965, just back from basic training with a local reserve unit, Vern made big plans; he and Bev talked of marriage, she just two years out of Holland Christian High. But then in December, he panicked, “I’m not ready,” he told Bev one night while parked in her driveway. “I was hurt,” she says. “We had been going together for five years.”
Off and on. Off and on. Engaged in February 1966, broken off again in March of the same year. This time it was Bev who broke it off, more sure of her own devotion than she was of his. She went to Denver, moved away from the boy next door. “I kept seeing him,” she says, “because he lived right there.” She left directions that no address be given. But she left her address somewhere in Graafschaap, and there are not many secrets in small towns.

Ah, but love will out! Vern found Bev’s address and called her landlord. Bev had no phone; she didn’t want to be reached by the boy next door. But he called her at midnight, said he wanted her back. “He was persuasive,” she admits with a glorious, small-town smile. “But I told him I would have to pray about it.”

Long into the night Bev and her roommate talked. And later, when she couldn’t sleep, she knelt at her bedside. It was near morning. The doorbell rang while she was on her knees, and from her bedroom window she saw him standing outside the door in a yellow shirt and tan pants. (Some images one never forgets.)
“Ja, ja,” the old men of Graafschaap would say, “the Lords works in mysterious ways.” And sometimes He uses jet travel. It’s a good Graafschaap story; you can bet it was told over coffee, even after church.
Something over four years later, Mr. and Mrs. Vern Den Bleyker had a quiverful-threee kids. “People ask me how I put up with it-three little ones in such a short time,” she remembers. “Sometimes I felt that I couldn’t.”
She wouldn’t have admitted it, of course. Generally, small towns have very clear standards for motherhood.

“I was physically and emotionally drained,” she says. But no one knew because, while there are no secrets in small towns, some things re much better left unsaid. “I guess at the time I felt that all I had was God; He gave me the strength I needed. It was something that happened inside of me.”
A long tradition, a close family, the Christian school, an old white church with an ancient beam-these things can guide us efficiently, but there comes a time when one needs to live on something other than borrowed breath. For Bev and Vern Den Bleyker, personal commitment had been somehow neglected. She knew this when God pulled her out of her depression. In a small town full of Christian Reformed people, in a culture brimming with ethno-religious traditions, Vern and Bev discovered that the covenant God of the Old Graafschaap church was also the sovereign Lord of their own lives, their kids, their hurts, their joys. Some would even call what they felt a ‘conversion. “
Their devotions became more personal as their commitment grew. Then, five years of growth later, a friend challenged them. He had been to Alaska, to a Christian training school of Indians and Eskimos. When he told them about the place, they began to wonder about the direction of their own lives. “Maybe you ought to thinking about going,” the friend told them. “Pray about it,” But they lived in the family house in Graafschap, Vern had recently bought his own business, the kids were all enrolled in Christian school, and every Sunday they walked to the old white church. They were living a comfortable Graafschap life.

They prayed together as a family. They applied and were accepted for a position at the Alaskan school. “It’s amazing how things seemed important-the business, for example-suddenly seemed unimportant,” she remembers. Vern and Ben and their four children left the family home in town afor a wilderness boarding school in the Alaskan Rockies, one hundred miles from a grocery store.
“if you had asked me what I thought of the church before we went to Alaska, my answer would have been different than today, “ she admits, sitti back in the shadow of the old church, back home in Graafschap again. Ben and Ver have abeen to the mountain top. It took Eskimo kids, an environment stripped of the media, and a family of believers in frontier Alaska. Today Bev says that working at the training school gave both of them the greatest fulfillment of their lives.
It was confrontation that did it, the necessity of open, verbalized commitment-testimonies a daily basis. “We often rely on the church and the school to give spiritual training,” she says, “but we couldn’t do that at Victory High School.” The Den Bleyker’s were forced into a kind of openness and commitment that too often makes little Dutch towns and big CR churches somewhat uneasy.
“I’m really proud of the Graafschap church, “she admits, but the Alaskan experience changed her perspective. “We’re missing the boat sometimes, I think. Growing up here, we learned the scriptural foundation of academic subjects. But commitment was never pulled out of me. I was never in a situation where I had to say what all of this meant to me personally. Even profession of faith for me was merely a graduation from catechism. We went with maybe fifteen or twenty of us. “

Bev Genzink Den Bleyker has changed. The Spirit, she’ll tell you, is more obviously present in the life of the family today. The God of Graafschap church has entered their lives in a way they hadn’t experienced before. Close to forty, Vern is enrolled at Reformed Bible College now; he plans to become a teacher. Bev will audit some classes this term. The Alaskan experience pulled them out of a CRC cubicle and forced them to defend the beliefs they grew up with-infant baptism, for example. Both Bev and Vern want to know not only what they believe, but why. That may sound odd, the DenBleyker’s both growing up in a birthplace of the CRC.
Finally, the Alaskan experience has liberated her, enabled her to see things she hadn’t seen before, even the old church.  “I love my heritage and my background,” she says. “I’m not sure I would see my heritage in the same way I do today if we hadn’t gone to Alaska.”
Our Graafschap deserves honor. Tradition grants stability and roots. Tradition shows us who we have been and points us where we might go.
But Bev DenBleyker listens to the morning church bells every Sunday, and she knows, today, that each of our old, white Graafschap churches must be a whole lot more than just another stop on some Tulip Time tour.
The church cannot stand on the strength of one wooden beam, no matter how ancient or how honorable. I

Happy New Beginnings.....

thanking the Lord tonight that HE has brought us through ANOTHER year.
we are healthy.
we are employed.
we are happy.
we are warm in our home.
our cars run.

our children attend an amazing school.

we are part of a phenomenal community.
we have a church family.
our blessings abound.
really, really ABOUND!!

more often, I catch myself wondering: why me?
why have I been blessed with THIS life?
it was NOTHING I have done. NOTHING I deserve.
it's grace,
sheer grace.
this year, my 'resolutions' are no different than they are EVERY. OTHER. YEAR.
so, instead of writing it all down, I'm copying and pasting from January 2011.
Happy New Year Friends.....
be aware of YOUR good, GRACE blessings this year!

****************************************************

 

once again i will talk about resolutions that i will never keep.
we all do it.
we all have great intentions.
so this year, i've resolved to NOT make any resolutions.
wait, is that a resolution to NOT make a resolution??
since i'm resolving to NOT do something, isn't that the same thing as resolving to do something and then doing something different?
whatever, i'm so confused.

what i'm saying is that EVERY year i make a promise, to myself to DO something.
lose weight.
be more patient.
read more.
read the bible more.
keep my car cleaner. (i've never actually resolved to do that but....IF i were going to resolve to do something, that would probably be on the 'list'.)
blah. blah.
for the list of a million things i have, i'm sure you could add a million more.
instead of resolutions, which sounds so daunting, i'm going to call it 'attempting/striving' to do better.
so, that being said...i'm going to 'attempt' to....
blog more.
exercise more.
be more of a 'yes' mom.
talk less.
listen more.
blog more faithfully.
take more pictures.
send out birthday cards to everyone on my calendar.
and to the IMPORTANT things....
pray more, MUCH more.
listen for God more.
look for Him more.
let others SEE  more of Jesus in my life.
dig into the WORD more.

what are some things you're 'attempting' to change in your life this year?

why do i do it?

just for the record.
exercising is NOT my idea of fun.
i don't like the sweating.
i'm not competitive.
if you want to 'win' the race, the game, go for it. i don't really mind coming in last.
so, i guess i've picked a good 'hobby'.
what i've learned is that i'm competitive.
with myself.

i was in a store yesterday looking for a windbreaker to run in and the saleslady asked me if i was a runner.
i paused and said, "yes, yes i am a runner'.
3 weeks from TODAY, i'm going to do my second 1/2 marathon.
and THAT my friend, makes me a runner.

YES. IT. DOES.

why do i do it?
is it because i want to look like this in my bathing suit?.....

why yes, it is.

is it because i dream of looking like this?......

yup, that's part of the reason.
the other reason, peer pressure.

 i signed up in a weak moment and there was no going back. 
and truth be told, i'm SOOOOO glad i did.
i admit, every single time i lace up my shoes, it's a mental battle.
it's not always fun.

here's what happens....
at about mile 2, i can hardly breathe.
by mile 4, i'm kinda glad i came.
by mile 6, i'm enjoying this.
by mile 8, i'm wondering what in the sam hill was i thinking agreeing to all this running business.
by mile 10, i'm SOOO happy it's done and i'm thrilled that i finished.
something i thought i would NEVER be able to do, i'm doing.

i can do it.
and then there's my cheerleaders......

i'm thankful to my posse of girls that encourage me every single time i get out to run.

a special shout out to my bff, kath & her sista, sharla. (and today, my bud emily, who was the sole (hahahahah get it, running/sole!) reason for finishing my first half. she stuck with me thru the WHOLE thing!)
they cheer me on when i think i can't go another step.
they keep me accountable and MAKE me go when all i want to do is sit at home, on Pinterst.
they actually make this crazy, whacked out plan to run a half marathon; fun.

you are the reason i do this.
oh, i'm SLLLLOOOOOWWWWW alright but at the end of the day,

i'm a runner.

my fav running quotes!!!!



intentions.....

hi.
i'm traci.

i used to blog. then i didn't. then i did. then i had great intentions but didn't.

and now i'm here.

my mama and i were chatting yesterday about my blog/project 365 dilemma.

she, being the wise woman she is, suggested that i really NEED to be blogging.

 pictures are important too but the words are what they'll want to hear. (although, i KNOW that sometimes they wish i had a mute button)

"what fun for your boys to have a journal of their lives. i wish i would've done that when i had young kids".
agreed mama. i would've loved to read, and re-read about what a (ahem) perfect child i was, the parties we had, the adventures we had with our cousins. the mischief we got into with the neighborhood kids, the lessons she learned from us kids. her observations of what we'd be when we were grown.

(thankfully, i have a good memory. :))
anywho. point being, documenting our lives is important.

sometimes mundane but important just the same.

i always feel like i have to write a 30 paragraph essay for a daily blog post, thus the reason i don't do anything. uhg.

new day.

new bigger (and yet, simpler) intentions.

i want this blog to be a place where we can grow together.

a place where my boys can turn back to when they wonder what happened in their childhood.

i want them to see that mom really, really loved them to the core of my being, even when, some days i feel like i just got off the tilt-a-whirl at the fair.
crabby, dizzy and disoriented.
yup, even then.

a place where i can get a little reprieve from Facebook and the drama that entails.
i want this to be a place we can encourage. (that includes YOU, blogging friends, to actually comment when you have a thought!)

a place to feel 'normal'.

a place that honors Jesus in every word.

hold on....we're going to get blogging. 

i'm back.....moving forward.....

i am going to be a blogger. a full time blogger.

yup, i am.
i'm WILLING myself to be a REAL blogger.

and it's starting now.

today.
a few years back, my sista www.ednieuwenhuisfamily.blogspot.com, had my blog made into a book. it's one of my favorite earthly possessions.

it's a timeline of our year.

a summery of the madness that sometimes (um, always) surrounds my family.

my goal this year is to chronicle our life, daily. (or at least weekly)

since i no longer 'scrapbook' our life, i would like to 'blog book' it.

someday, i would love for my boys to have a hard copy of their memories on 2013.

i'll be blogging the good, bad and ugly.

i WILL be honest here.

i vow to show you that REAL life happens in our home.

i'll even ask you YOUR thoughts so we can learn to 'do' life together.
i will do my best to encourage.

i will attempt to inspire. (PINTEREST BABY)

maybe even challenge you to get to know my Jesus better.

let's do this year together.

digging thru pics.

must share.

my baby then......

my baby now....

*******************************

my middle then.....

my middle now.....

*****************************

my old one then.....

my old one now....

my old one now.

*****************************

this past year, our family lost our dear joe.

as much as i didn't think i loved her, i did.

as much as i didn't think i'd miss her, i do.

my boys learned a tough life lesson in losing a 'friend'.  

we cried many, MANY tears.

we all learned how hard death can be.
even a sometimes, pesky little cat.

gone no more.....

i has been exactly 4 months and 2 days since i've blogged.
after my last post in march, most of you probably decided that i was seriously emotionally unstable  really busy. .
most of my 'faithfuls' have moved on.
those who know me know that we've been busy doing life.
and i'm SURE some of you still check daily.
or not.
time to get you back in the loop.
time to get ME back in the loop.

there are a gazillion and two pictures that i must post so that my children will one day look back on this blog and realize that we did NOT drop off the face of the earth from March to July.
life really happened.

just looked back and saw that i had 27 written but not published posts. most of them are too out of date for anyone to care anymore but what the heck, i'll post a few.........

i'm back to the blogging world.
i've missed rattling on about our mundane life. 

If Only....

today, while wading thru the mountains, and i mean MOUNTAINS of papers in our office, i ran across a spiral notebook that i had started taking notes in a few years ago. (remember the whole being obsessed about note taking??
this notebook PROVED it!)
anyways, i had started (i'm 2 pages in) making a scrapbook about ME.
once again, without sounding 'self-centered', i figured i should pass on some knowledge about me to my children. (maybe someday their wives would like to know. :))
i thought i'd start a notebook, get my thoughts in order and THEN START the book.
well, my thoughts may NEVER be in order so i thought i'd start doing some of this online.
after all, my scrapbooking attempts have failed over the past year.:(
one of my entries was...IF ONLY....so here goes what i've got thus far.....

if only....

-if only i could sing on key, i'd try out for American Idol.oh wait, i'm TOO OLD.

-if only i could relive my early 20's, i wouldn't have been so naive.

-if only i could spend a day with Jesus,would i dance for Him or in awe of Him be still??

-if only i could go to the spa once a week,i'd always have pretty toes.

-if only i could live near my sister,my life would be complete.

-if only,i could spend just one more day with my grandparents. i would tell them just one more time how much they have meant to me.

-if only i could have my boys little again, i'd slow down & hold them more. i'd be more patient.

-if only i could balance a checkbook, ya, don't know what i'd do. wouldn't matter much.

-if only i didn't like potato chips, i'd be a size 4.

-if only i didn't watch so much t.v, i'd be caught up on my reading.

-if only i didn't drive too fast, i'd be later for things than i already am.

-if only i didn't ALWAYS have freezing feet, they'd be warm!! um. duh.

working overtime.....

today was one of those days i wish i would've just stayed in bed.

2 mins. after waking the boys up, there was a fight.

"you promised me i could wear THOSE socks","those are my shorts", "can't you close your mouth when you chew?"

two of the three caught the bus, without brushing their teeth. the one that really needed deodorant this morning insisted on NOT wearing it.

one couldn't find his sweatshirt (again) and since i refused to let him where the ripped one, that is 3 sizes too small, he missed the bus.

one was missing his math assignment.

this mama was So mad.  

the kind of mad that makes me wish i was curled up underneath my covers, letting someone else be the 'mean mom' today.

 my children were sad and i didn't much care.

what kind of a mother doesn't care? i didn't care if i didn't care. i guess that makes me a bad mom.

i was out of grace. plum out.

on the way to school, i realized something. it hit me right between the eyes.

Satan is having a blast. he wants me to feel like i'm failing.

he wants me to feel inadequate.

he wants me to feel depressed.

i have been praying very specific qualities for my boys for the last 31 days and he is NOT happy about that.

interesting that just yesterday, our word was 'Peace'. we had very little of THAT going on here this morning.

he is working overtime on making our home a place of discord.

 he's on attack mode and i let him get the best of me.

and i'm angry about that.

when i got home, God and i did some serious talking.

i cried and i think He might have too.

'Why don't you just Trust me, Traci?"

"Why do you wait until things get so out of control before you talk to me?"

"Why are you letting Satan have HIS way in your home when having ME at the center is ALWAYS the best plan!"

in the quietness of my home, God spoke to me.

not audibly of course but with His quiet spirit.

'I am ALL you need'!

'Even when you feel like you're failing, I am not'.

'Trust me that I will give you a 'do-over'.

'Satan will NOT win'.

I am so thankful, that even when i feel like all i do is screw up these children, God is bigger than my measly, inadequate parenting skills.

He's got it covered.

that even when i, spiritually speaking, can't get my life 'in order', he's already a step ahead.

even when i feel like i've got NOTHING left emotionally for one more person, He's got me covered.

my God is compassionate.

He understands that life can be discouraging.

He 'get's' that parenting is hard.

He doesn't give up on me even when i don't give Him my best.

He protects my children's hearts. He is teaching them to graciously give their sometimes crazy mama 'do-overs'. for that i am thankful.

 (after asking for forgiveness on the way to school, i got a "of course, mom".)

my children are better than i deserve.

over the years, i have struggled with depression.

thankfully, i have good medication but still, i have days.

days that all i want to do is curl up in a ball.

this morning was one of those mornings.

depression is like a roller coaster. it's going to have it's ups and downs but in the end, it'll be worth the ride. right? :) some days, i even think that i am better for it. this sometimes 'curse' has taught me to NOT rely on my own ways but to better trust HIS ways.

in days like this, all i can do is pray this:
"Lord, today, be my portion.".....

and trust that it's enough.  

this song just came across my play list:

The Greatness of Our God
Give me eyes to see
More of who You are
May what I behold,
still my anxious heart.
Take what I have known
And break it all apart
For You my God, are greater still.

CHORUS
No sky contains,
No doubt restrains,
All You are,
The greatness of our God.
I spend my life to know,
And I'm far from close
To all You are,
The greatness of our God.

  
Give me grace to see
Beyond this moment here.
To believe that there
Is nothing left to fear.

That You alone are high above it all.
For You my God, are greater still.

No sky contains,
No doubt restrains,
All You are,
The greatness of our God.
I spend my life to know,
And I'm far from close
To all You are,
The greatness of our God.

And there is nothing
That can ever separate us.
There is nothing that can ever
separate us from Your love.
No life, no death, of this I am convinced.
You my God, are greater still.

And no words can say, or song convey,
all You are the greatness of our God.
I spend my life to know,
And I'm far from close
to all You are,
the greatness of our God.

isn't that just like Him to put that on there for ME today?

be encouraged friends.

 there is light at the end of our sometimes dark tunnels.



chore list.....

so, fellow mamas.

i'm needing advice.

what do you do to get your kids to work?

with GOOD attitudes!

do you pay them?

should they work for free?

do you stand above them and 'bark'. (ahem...that's me)

do you give them consciences if they don't do it "mom's way"?

i'm struggling with this. since i'm home full-time, when they get home, most of the chores are already done.

any ideas on extra chores?

this mama is overwhelmed at the thought of raising lazy men.

help.

these are my intentions.....

this is my reality.......



crows. snow. sports. parent love. hiccups. dirt. crayons.

since today is wednesday. and raining. and cold, and i'm sitting inside, loathing this weather and my big fat headache that needs to go away already, i thought i may as well talk to someone.

since everyone i know either has a life outside of me (already caught up with the bff) or a job, i've got no one to chat with except myself.

so, i'm talking to myself.

come along for the ride.

i'm sitting here watching the crows.

what makes them annoying?

it's not their color. i much like their shiny, coal black skin (fur. whatever).

it's not the fact that they eat worms, which in turn helps keep the mole population under control.

wait, i take that back.

the moles have taken over my front yard so i guess they aren't doing their job.

slackers.

could it be their somewhat annoying squawk?

yes, that's what it is.

the squawk.

moving on.

dang nabbit, wouldn't you know it.

it's snowing.

ya, that's always a great way to blanket the daffodils growing so beautifully in my flower beds.

it's not even the pretty kind.

it's just the cold kind.

there's a big difference.

oh well, it's not like i'm going anywhere or doing anything productive today anyways.

go ahead, snow. i. don't. care.

i'll just sit here and think of my family in michigan who are enjoying a 70 degree day today or i'll

ponder the fact that my folks are sitting, in HOT arizona, watching baseball while i watch crows.

 i took this picture last week. i love mornings when i can wake up to this.

now THAT'S pretty snow.

jacks basketball season has wrapped up and i'm sad about that.

now on to soccer. 

someone just told sam that if you stick your nose up to wood, your hiccups WILL stop.

it's true.

i've seen it with my very own eyes.

i love dirt. i want to smell dirt, not snow. (whatever)

crayons make me happy.

oh tim. tim. tim. tim. thank you for being an incredible example of what a real man is.

little boys are watching.

tell your parents you love them today.

don't assume they know.

ok, i need to go do some shopping online.

for a glass half empty attitude right now, this will cheer me up.

come back tomorrow.

i'll be in a better mood.

too-doo-luu.



recap

since i have not talked to my sister (other than texting) for what seems like 221 days, i will recap my life here.
i'll text you sister so you know to look here since i'm sure you have long thrown in the towel,so to speak, on me.

1~everyday, for the past 3 months my children (mainly my firstborn) has been asking for a dog.

first of all, i don't really like dogs. (please, NO ONE pass this on to the Pioneer Woman. she would be so very disappointed in her friend.) secondly, we have a cat, who hates dogs.

why?? cuz she's a cat, that's why.

thirdly, my hub does NOT want to be mowing over dog poop so he's saying 'no dog'.

lastly, don't tell my children but i think, at some point, before my boys move out, they will have worn us down and we'll agree to a dog.

why? because we're pushovers, that's why.

2~ i'm on Day 24 of praying for my children. obviously, i dropped the ball on posting them here.

if you're my Facebook friend, you're in the loop. if not, i'll email them to you.

this has been so awesome.

it is spurred me on in being more deliberate about praying EVERYDAY for specifics in their lives.

it's been good. very, very good.

3~ i'm still struggling with how to live with my feet being cold. ALL. THE. TIME.

4~ i don't care what you say, the trampoline was the BEST investment we've made.

5~ our Kirby vacuum was the worst.

6~ Pinterest in my new addiciton. someday i'll need therapy for this. good news is that i know i'll have a handful of my friends in that office with me.

7~speaking of friends. i like my friends. i have good friends. i have better friends than i deserve.

8~ in regards to  #1, the Pioneer Woman and i are not technically friends. i didn't want to mislead you by thinking i'm more important than i am. then again, #7 makes me feel like i am important. good friends have a way of doing that.

9~i'm not afraid to say it. i'm a homebody.

10~i still don't know how to use my camera. that's why i have my bff, kathy. there are LOTS of other reasons why i keep her around but that's a biggy.

11~i always think that the Thesaurus will help me come up with more cleaver blog posts but i really don't know how to use the Thesaurus. i need a 'Thesaurus For Dummies". do they even make those?

if not, they should.

12~ in the past 2 weeks, i have brought away about 92 article's of clothing to the consignment store.

i know you think i'm exaggerating but i'm really not.

it'll make me feel good, picking up that $13.oo check. ok, maybe more like $42.50 but it's still better than a kick in the head.
most things are.

13~ my cousin, Gina and her hub, Scott are expecting a babe in october. if you look back about 6 posts, you'll see their wedding pictures. why??? because in November they JUST GOT MARRIED!

isn't this just awesome news!!???

14~my other cousin, Misty and her sweet man, Jordan are getting married in september. which means, I GET TO GO BACK TO MICHIGAN AGAIN!!!!

this time i think i'll bring along the hub.

 he's a good time plus he has all the money, which i need when i vacation.

oh, and i really like him too.

15~ we are leaving in 3 mins. for a worship service at Christ The King in bellingham. i still need to get out of my sweats, straighten my hair and get my children out of their pajamas (which they usually, promptly put on after church)

16~ i'll be back with #16.

16 again~ church tonight was amazing. no sermon, just a WHOLE hours of Praising Jesus.

17~ i miss my sister.

18~ my folks left this morning for a 2 1/2 week road trip. first stop: Mariner Spring Training.
it's on MY 'bucket list'.
i can't wait to be retired.
after Spring Training, they're going on to California to do some volunteer work.
i love that about them.
they pour their whole lives into others and i'm forever grateful for them.

19~ my husband is the best. no really, he's better than anyone else's husband.
it's true.
he's lucky to have me. i'm lucky to have him.

20~ 2o tidbits is plenty.
consider yourself recapped.

one night is not enough.....

just found this post....i have even more pictures and more to say about this but this will have to do for now.......

 

ONE week-end.

one week-end night is all we had free for the next 8 weeks.

the hub is going to start getting really busy at work and this mama needed some R&R.

(what mama doesn't??)  

thankfully, our bff's needed a night away too.

so...we went. 

the Westin, in downtown Bellevue is our VERY favorite place to stay.

it's right across from great shopping and superb restaurants.

it was just one night but it's amazing how much fun a person can humanly pack into 24 hours. 

we shopped, we laughed, we ate really good food (which dale REALLY liked), we ate greasy cheeseburgers and had NO guilt about it. and then we laughed some more.

we are so thankful to have friends that just 'get us'.

we love spending time with these two.

always great conversations.

never a shortage of topics.

thank you dale & kathy wubben....

out for a walk...a nice looonnnngggg walk.

i don't really know what we were laughing about but obviously, it was extremely funny.

we found a great little pub with really good, ice cold beer. even kath, who HATES beer drank one. (and liked it)

she's strange but i luv her.

i love you babe.

prayers for day's 16 & 17

Day 17..
Growth in Grace~
"i pray that they may 'grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,'"
2 Peter 3:18
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Day 16...
Salvation~
"Lord, let salvation spring up within my children, that they may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory,"
Isaiah 45:8 2 Timothy 2:10

it's the little things.....

this past week, i finally did something my dentist has been telling me to do for SEVENTEEN years.
SEVENTEEN years. eek.
i had my wisdom teeth pulled. yanked out from their comfy home.
and i'm happy to see them go.
i have agonized over this. stressed to the MAX about the pain and the whole unknown. i hate unknowns. (um. valentines day ring any bells??)
the morning of the surgery, i was a basket case.
and the chillin's knew it.
soooooo.....this went down. .......

after sending the boys off to wait for the bus, they all ran back in the house, had me sit on the couch, while they prayed for me (knowing i was nervous for my appointment this morning). if you look at my earlier post, you'll see our word/verse for the day was 'Prayerfulness'. wow.
please don't underestimate the power of prayer in your children's lives. they are watching....and God is working. just had to share!

thanks to wonderful drugs, prescribed by my doc of course, i have to say...it wasn't so bad.
i slept for almost 20 hours the first day.
spent the other 4 hours dreaming of going back to sleep. (i love me my sleep)
dear friends brought dinners. thanks kath, www.wubbenworld.blogspot.com and tami vw.
i so appreciate all of you who called and offered to do anything for me. friends are good. i have good friends. not to mention my mama who brought me, waited, took me home, picked up my rx's, feed me, tucked me in and just did every little thing that a good mama does. she's better than i deserve. thanks ma!

day's 7-15

Prayers for Day's 7-15.....................


Day 7...
A Servant Heart~
"God, please help my children develop servant hearts, that they may serve wholeheartedly, 'as to the Lord, and not to men,'"
(Ephesians 6:7,KJV)

Day 8...
Hope~
"May the God of Hope grant that my children may overflow with hopefulness by the power of the Holy Spirit,"
(Romans 15:13)

Day 9....
The Willingness and ability to work hard~
"Teach my children, Lord, to value work and to work hard at everything they do,"
(Colossians 3:23)

Day 10...
A Passion For God~
"Lord, please instill in my children a soul that 'follows hard after you,' a heart that clings passionately to you,"
Psalm 63:8

Day 11....
Obedience~
"I pray my children will know the adventurous life of obedience to God and learn 'the will of God from the heart,"
Eph. 6.6


Day 12....
Prayerfulness~
... "Grant, Lord, that my children's lives may be marked by prayerfulness, that they may learn to 'pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayer," (Ephesians 6:18)

Day 13...
Gratitude~
"Help my children to live lives that are always 'overflowing with thankfulness,' always giving thanks to God the Father for EVERYTHING, in the name of our Lord Jesus,'"
(Colossians 2:7, Ephesians 5:20)

Day 14...
A Heart for Missions~
"Lord, please help my children to devolop a heart for missions, a desire to see your glory declared among the nations, your marvelous deeds among all the peoples,"
Psalms 96:3


Day 15....
Joy~
"May my children be filled 'with the joy given by the Holy Spirit,"
1 Thessalonian 1:6

prayers...day 2-6......

How are we doing? Are we praying???
Stay with it.
I've been working on at least reading the verse to my kiddos every morning. (the memorizing a new verse everyday was just a little pipe dream. WHAT was i thinking??) I was impressed because this morning, I asked if anyone remembered yesterdays verse.....yes, Sam did!!!
Even when you think they're NOT listening, they are! (mostly)
Forge ahead!


Day 6....
Faith~
"I pray that faith will find root and grow in my children's hearts, that by faith they may gain what has been promised to them."
(Luke 17:5-6, Hebrews 11:1-40)

Day 5...
Contentment~
"Father, teach my children 'the secret of being content in any and every situation...through Him who gives strength,'"
(Philippians 4:12-13)

Day 4...
Responsibility~
 "Grant that my children learn responsibility. 'for each one should carry his own load,'"
(Galatians 6:5)

Day 3...
Compassion~
"Lord, please 'clothe my children with the virtue of compassion,' and i pray that my children will be ever more like Jesus," (Colossians 3:12).

Day 2...
Humility-
"God, please cultivate in my children the ability to 'show true humility toward all,' and may they humble themselves before You."
(Titus 3:2).

31 day challenge.....

today i started a new challenge.

nope, not ANOTHER weight loss challenge.

this is a challenge that i'm asking you to all join me in......

pray for your kiddos, EVERYDAY, specifically for the next 31 days.

a few weeks back, i found a fabulous sheet of paper, in my mamas scrapbook stuff. (thanks mom!)

31 days. 31 key words. 31 verses.

brilliant.

i hung it in our master bathroom and randomly (sadly) glanced over it and threw up a few quick prayers now and then.

then yesterday, God really laid it on my heart to be more consistent & intentional about these little prayers.

will you please join me in this challenge?

i'll be attempting to post it everyday on Facebook as well as on here.

this could be life-changing.

Today's prayer~

 Perseverance:
"Lord, teach my children perseverance in all they do, and help them especially to 'run with perseverance the race marked out for them,' ". (Hebrews 12:1)