my gram....

my gram....

last Tuesday morning, in one breath, my gram stepped from her clouded mind into a CLEAR and unspeakable beauty of Heaven. oh what her eyes must be seeing. 

as happy as I am for her, it was one of the saddest days of my life.

I knew her hours were numbered and yet, just hearing that she was gone, broke me.

I have loved this woman with all of my heart and laying her in the ground, on Friday, was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

we just returned from an amazing week in Michigan with family.

Such a Bittersweet week. SO many tears cried but for as much crying as we did, we did twice as much laughing together. 

If Grams watching from Heaven, I hope she's applauding. 

I believe She taught us to love each other well.

We miss your laugh Gram.

a few weeks back, I wrote a letter to her. my aunt jan was able to read it to her the day before she died. I doubt that she heard any of it but I'm so relived that it was read to her, just the same. 

Tim read part of it at her funeral. I think most of us grandkids, shared a lot of my same thoughts. 

she was an amazing, God fearing lady. 

until we meet again.....

my dear gram- 

my heart aches as i write this because in writing this, it's a reminder to me that your time on earth is short. i have been meaning to drop you a note for a very long time now, to let you know how much you are loved. how much you have taught me. how much you have meant to me. 

i will probably never get the chance, on this side of Heaven to share my heart with you face to face so i'll spill it on paper. 

even as a little girl, hanging out with you was FUN. 

some of my best childhood memories were of visiting you at JCPenny. i always thought that you must've been VERY important to have such a cool office space. :) 

up & down the stairs and elevator 100x's in one single visit would've made most people crazy (and maybe it did make you crazy!) but what i remember is you laughing.  you never seemed to be embarrassed, you never seemed irritated, i never remember you 'hushing' us, i only remember you smiling. funny how 40+ years after roaming that building, i can still see you, standing in the doorway of the basement,  looking at us kids like you were so proud of us. i don't know why that was but i thank you for leaving that particular feeling in my memory. 

 

you have brought so much Joy into my world gram. i remember one evening, that you & i decided to make microwave popcorn before we sat down to watch tv. 

i vividly remember, being deep in conversation, when the smoke started coming out of the microwave & the smell of burnt food was overpowering!!! i'll never forget how we laughed when we realized that neither of us knew that we had to take the plastic wrap off BEFORE putting it in to cook!  (duh)

oh how we laughed. and laughed. AND laughed. 

years later, anytime we talked about it, we'd start the giggling all over again. i still remember thinking that 'my grandma is so fun'. 

i loved your laugh. i loved how the littlest things in life could make you smile. 

thank you for the brown candy box, with the painted on flowers that was NEVER, EVER empty. i know that everyone of us grandkids, thanks you for that. mom & dad, as good mom's and dad's do, put the kaboosh on the candy intake, but when we went to gram & gramps, the rules were very different. 

for that, we are grateful. :) 

you have always been close to my heart but i think we really became kindred spirits was back in the early 1990's when you & gramp took me in. my family was all the way across the country & you put me up in your cozy basement on 30th street. you had such an amazing way of making me feel like your home was my home.( i know that Lori shares the same sentiments that I do on this.) thank you for the way that you would knock (as unnecessary as it was) before coming into 'my space'.  even as a late teenagers,  we remember thinking how much we appreciated you allowing us to have my own little 'apartment'. 

you were always so quick to offer me a seat at your dinner table, a cup of coffee in the morning, free dibbs on the goods in the OVERFLOWING pantry. (oh, how gramp loved getting those deals on soup....after all, you never know when you'll be in the need for 42 cans of soup. ;)). 

even the little things like switching out and folding my laundry while i was gone, spoke volumes to me about your gift of hospitality. 

when i was dealing with heartbreak over the lost of a special boyfriend, you would stop what you were doing, just to listen. 

there were many times, you would drop what you were doing, just so i could cry on your shoulder. you never judged me, you never told me to "just get over it". 

you always made me feel like what i had going on in my life was as important to you, as it was to me.  

you made me feel special. always made me feel like i was everything to you. 

if i had to come up with ONE word to describe you, it would be KIND. 

you were always SO kind. 

no matter who walked in the door, you were always, always KIND. people always felt like they were treated WELL by you. 

i truly appreciated the way you spoke KINDLY of gramp. although i know, that it wasn't always so easy but you were always respectful. 

from a young girls perspective, looking for a spouse at the time, your kindness spoke volumes. you taught me, unknowingly perhaps, that honoring him was always one of the best way to make a marriage work. you loved and honored him until his very last breath.

i know that he thought the world of you. 

thank you for the way you loved your family. you raised your children to love and fear the Lord. 

 as a mother now, i now know that nothing else in this world matters more than that. 

you modeled that to me.  

thank you for the way that you SHOWED me, by example, that reading the Bible EVERY SINGLE DAY was the MOST important thing!! i witnessed, first hand, how that Good book shaped and molded who YOU are.  you taught me that there is NO better read out there. i vividly remember, standing in your kitchen, on a morning when you & gramp were heading to Florida for the winter and you saying to me, in a tone i will never forget, "traci, if it's the Lords will, we will see you again soon".  

in one little sentence you spoke volumes about where your faith was. it was always HIS WILL. not yours. i have never forgotten that. you have taught me the importance of putting my faith in HIM, in ALL things. 

gram, what i wouldn't give for just one more day with you. one more day to laugh with you, one more day to run the halls of jcpenny, one more day to make a 'quick run' to Younkers to buy you a new sweater, one more day to take a walk down to Donutville with you, one more day to sit at your table, one more day to hold your sweet, arthritic hand, one more day to tell you all the things that i never seemed to have the 'right' words to say. one more day to walk into a room and see you sitting at your sewing machine. one more day to see you, in your recliner, with your bible on your lap. one more day to properly made a bag of popcorn with you.  one more day of seeing you in conversation with gramp. 

i want just one more day. 

it has been one of my greatest honor to be called your grand-daughter. what a gift, that God, in all HIS wisdom, chose ME to get to call you my GRAM.  

for that i am eternally grateful. 

the words of  2 Timothy 4:7 rings in my ears today : 'I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith'.

gram, you have fought the good fight. you have finished your course and i know that when you meet Jesus face to face, His first words to you will be 'Well done my good and faithful servant'. 

with all of my being, i love you sweet gram. what a comfort to know, i will see your sweet face again.

traci :) 

-no shadow of death can overshadow the goodness and mercy that shadows the child of God.-